[ Loki turns his head just enough to see the general shape of his friend in his peripheral vision. ] I feel very needy, in this moment, [ he tells him quietly. He doesn't want Mobius to think that he's not appreciative of the time they do spend together, and it's not like Loki is close to anyone else here, besides Hunter B-15. The bulk of his time spent around others is spent around Mobius, actually.
Which is a comfort, now that he thinks about it. ] I'm sure it will pass.
[He coaxes Loki the rest of the way around so as to kiss him again. Normally, Mobius might not want to feed into something like neediness from Loki. But it's hardly inappropriate at this moment. Want him to feel needed. Wants him to feel loved. Soothe away the worries.]
I'm here. [Not that he's planning on be anywhere else for a while.] You just tell me what you need.
[ The kiss is nice. Easy to get lost in, to quiet whatever unruly noises are currently trying to overwhelm him in his head.
Telling Mobius what he needs? Is harder. He's used to articulating the things he wants, not determining which things are necessary. ]
I don't want to be alone, [ is what he settles on. Not that he thought there was much of a risk of that tonight, but. Another shrug. ] What happens if we're caught?
Then we deal with it. We'll figure it out when we get there. [A thought, then. Because Loki doesn't want to be alone, knows Loki never wants to be alone ever again.] You don't want to feel like you're hiding. You don't want to hide this, huh?
[Which is sweet, actually. And Mobius might like to be more forthcoming, too, but it's not that simple. Nothing's ever that simple.]
This isn't a good idea. It's a great idea. It's the best idea either of us ever had, and I'm not just saying that because a post-coital glow or whatever you want to call it. You and me, this could be really something special. But I think we need to figure out what that something is first. Okay?
I am, historically, very bad at hiding. [ He likes to be showy and seen, but more importantly this... whatever it is, between him and Mobius, matters, much like whatever is between himself and Sylvie matters, and Loki has never been good at hiding what matters. He can change how he looks at it, or weave illusions about it, but hiding? Not so much.
He hears Mobius' request for what it is though. Time to figure out what they're doing, together, before anyone else gets involved. So he nods. ] Okay.
I wanna scream it from rooftops as much as you do, but I don't even know where we stand as far as...I don't know, what we even call ourselves. Partners? Boyfriends? You're definitely significant and an other, but I don't think significant other is the phrase we want to shoot for right now.
[It somehow is simultaneously too fast and also just right, like they slot together perfectly, two puzzle pieces that have been getting shuffled around time and space before finally ending up in the same box. Mobius leaves a few kisses along Loki's shoulders, avoiding any potentially tender looking spots.]
And if you want to talk about this, us, [because they're going to need to and they both know it] we absolutely can, it can just wait until we're cozy in bed first.
I think if we called ourselves partners, I doubt anyone would recognize that as meaning anything new or different from what we've been doing. [ Namely, being friends. Being partners in the field.
Does what they call themselves as a collective unit matter that much? He'll have to ask. Later, in bed, apparently.
Loki's face does something sappy when Mobius kisses his shoulders, he can tell by the feel of his features. ] I can wait. [ For once. ]
Good. Cuz I want to just enjoy this. I'll help you finish wash up, then we'll get you all dry and pretty, and then you can cuddle up and chat to your hearts content. [And he won't even point out that adorable face Loki's pulling. Isn't that sweet of him. Especially when it makes him grin like a doofus himself.
And he will help out. Because touching Loki is going to apparently be his new pastime, and so is stealing kisses from Loki whenever possible, and being kind when kindness is called for. When'd he get so soft (and apparently also hard) for this particular variant? He's not sure he could even pinpoint a moment. But hopefully it'll never come to an end, either.]
[ Loki is as good as his word, at this point. He lets Mobius help him finish getting clean, dry his hair while he makes faces but doesn't actually vocalize any complaints, and is happy to allow him to steal as many kisses as Mobius can manage.
It's not like it's terrible, or anything. He rather likes it.
Once they're in bed, however, all bets on remaining quiet are off. Loki opens with: ]
Does what we call each other, boyfriends, partners, whatever, really matter that much?
[It's more work than he normally puts in on a first go-round, if he's honest. But Loki's worth it. The amount of care involved. Was he looking for something like this all along, maybe? Someone to take care of? Hm. Set that thought aside.
He hums along the curve of Loki's shoulder, giving the question a once-over.] Sometimes people use words like that to know where they stand with each other. Sometimes used to define themselves to the world. [Friends-with-benefits could be appropriate, then, but it's a little crude for Mobius' taste.] If it doesn't matter to you, then it doesn't matter to me.
[Not the word itself. It doesn't really matter. But that doesn't keep him from wondering what exactly they are as a duo, what they are to each other. Is it too soon for something like that? Or maybe it's not fair to even ask. Where else would Loki even go? Who else besides Sylvie would he see?
Anywhere, if he could. And maybe anyone. If he could. He doesn't ask a question that comes to mind, presses the absence of it as a kiss to Loki's skin.]
I don't care what the world thinks, [ he states quite frankly, because what business is it of anyone else's? What Mobius thinks, however, is of paramount importance, and Loki turns over so he can face the man ]. I realize that's easy for me to say. No one thinks well of me, it's to be expected that someone will have an opinion about my behavior that I don't care to hear.
[ It would be easy to be the villain in this, from the outside. Of course Loki took advantage of the one person who showed him kindness; what else would he do with that? ]
I care about what you think. If it's important to you then it's important.
[He lets it hang, tip of his tongue between his teeth. If Loki wants to watch him instead of being the watched, then...that's fine. It's allowed, deserved even. Mobius doesn't meet his gaze. It still wants to slither up his throat and out of his traitor mouth, a question (a statement, an accusation) unbidden, but he manages to hold it back. He tries again.]
It's not the word that matters. Just wondering where you see this going, though. What you want this to be.
[It isn't funny, he knows, but he laughs anyway.] It really is friends-with-benefits, huh. [And maybe it sounds crude given the connotations associated with it, but. Is it all that bad? Being friends. Who also fuck. And care deeply enough that it's surely supposed to be something beyond just friends. There's nothing wrong with friends. Loki could use a few more in his life. Maybe he could use more friends than he could use a fuckbuddy or a potential romantic partner. (Sylvie, apparently, aside.)]
We can figure that part out as we go, too. I don't want to push you with expectations. That wouldn't be fair to you. Probably not to either one of us.
Is the presumed benefit sex? [ Because if so, he's not seeing what's wrong with that title, exactly.
Sylvie, he would argue, is different. Difficult to define. It doesn't help that he hasn't tried to have this conversation with her at this point, though.
He frowns a little at the word 'expectations'. Everyone has expectations, he thinks. There's nothing... intrinsically wrong with that. ]
Yeah, that's the benefits part. It's a bit more...casual than we maybe wanna be, but I can't say it's inaccurate.
[He is not going to call Loki a friend with a benefit, dear god. But it's not satisfying Loki, apparently. Does he want expectations? He shouldn't. Mobius drums his fingers lightly on Loki's arm, presses another kiss to his shoulder. How does he find the words for this?]
I don't want to make presumptions about where you want this to go. I don't want to make you think we have to be...anything more than whatever we are now. I've got some pretty human ideas about, [love?] persisting relationships, I guess, that maybe don't jive with your own expectations.
A little, [ Loki admits, raising his eyebrows because he's just confused and wants to know what it is that 'pretty human ideas about persisting relationships' means, exactly. Still. He reaches out and touches Mobius' cheek and looks at him seriously. ]
You're the one of us who has some sort of frame of reference for what we're doing.
If there's something you expect from me because it would make you happier, I'd rather know about it.
You know that's a little terrifying, right? [The notion that he's the one that has any idea what he's doing. That might be a dangerous assumption to make.] We can just let this ride and see where it takes us. Even if we made any decisions now, we'd be free to change them later. If being friends who also get up to very sexy hijinks is the comfortable thing, then...
[Is that enough? And on the other hand, isn't that what a relationship is, ultimately? Loki makes him happy. It's not like they're going to have some big wedding ceremony and go retire to Tahiti and raise some kids or something. They're dealing with the hands they've got. Loki makes him happy, and that is more than enough.] I don't want you to feel like you have to change to please me when I'm over here trying to make sure you're happy and comfortable and pleased yourself. No one spends enough time on you.
Well. [ He shrugs a little. He doesn't mean it to be terrifying but Mobius knows as well as he does that Loki has never done feelings before. Fucking, yes. Friendship, not so much. Feelings, definitely not.
He's not sure that he should say that being friends is not exactly comfortable, especially when Loki is half certain he's going to botch it at any given moment. Still: ]
I'm not saying I would change, necessarily. But I would like to know.
[He shakes his head. Wants to say don't worry about it, wants to assure that if there's something he wants, he'll speak up. But. This is new territory. Not sleeping with someone and staying friends after, Mobius has done that before. But this is a new thing for them, a drastic escalation in the relationship they've built in not too terribly long a relative amount of time. It feels natural, but in a way, it's completely foreign to Loki, isn't it?
Mobius has never been afraid to push Loki, to be blunt, to lie to his face, to use his knowledge of the god for his own purposes and to make Loki see himself in a new light. So why does this feel like it has to be different?
Right. Because it pushes Mobius, too. Fine. Time to push. He exhales slow.]
You care.
[That's something he's been holding back. The statement-question-accusation. There's a pinch to his look, searching Loki, analyzing, confounded. It has not eluded him, the idea of this being a con. He doesn't think it is. Or doesn't want it to be. If it is, it's the best damn lie the liesmith has ever concocted. But the possibility exists. Mobius wants this too badly to stand the thought.
[ Loki frowns but it's mostly at not having the words when the words are the thing needed most at the moment. Why does he care about Mobius? ]
Because even when you were angry with me, you didn't give up on me, wash your hands of the whole matter, and I know... I know, in part, that you needed me to find Sylvie. That that particular goal took precedence, at least in the beginning. But if I were to discount everything you have done simply because the TVA needed something from me first I wouldn't have anything or anyone.
You... [ A sigh. ] You've been honest with me, which possibly shouldn't matter to someone who lies as much as I do, and yet. Everyone has lied to me, lies I never saw coming, except for my brother, and Sylvie, and you.
I care because I like who I am better for being around you. I care because it is easy, somehow, to care about you.
[He's patient. He'll give Loki all the time in the world to find the words and gather his thoughts. It was fair of Loki to ask him questions, ask why, even if the timing sucked, because Mobius demands so many answers from him. But this is...important. The most important, maybe.
So he tries very hard not to peer too closely and look too deeply, to turn this into some kind of session. Rubs a hand gently up and down Loki's back. Listens with the same attentiveness as he always does, hanging on every word.]
Probably helps that you find me attractive, smart, and interesting, huh? [A tease, an echo back to the texts that started all this in the first place.] I can't say I'll never lie to you. That's not something I can promise. Because everyone lies. Everyone, everywhere, has lied before, will lie at some point. I've lied to you already in the name of the job. But outside the job, with us, with just us and nothing hanging over our heads? About the things that count? I can at least say I'll try my best to keep being honest with you. And you, you can keep trying to be honest with me.
I think that's a little bit of what a relationship is. Trusting that we aren't lying to each other. Not about what matters most.
It definitely doesn't hurt by any measure. [ His expression on a better day, in a conversation less fraught with feelings, could be called a comfortable smile; as it is it's there and then it's gone again as soon as it came. ]
I expect you to lie for the TVA; that's not what I meant. [ The rest of it however is what he meant so he nods. ] Trying is the important part or so I've been told.
I don't want you to feel like you owe me something just because I'm honest with you. I don't want this to be some kind of...exchange just cuz I'm nice to you. This is us, caring about each other and having a good time while doing so. [His own smile is an uncertain thing, but less fleeting at any rate.] Seemed to me like you were having a pretty good time.
It's not, [ Loki insists. ] It may have been, at first, when I was still getting to know you, but... that's not what I want to do. Kindness for payment in kind is still a trade that doesn't do much for anyone at the end of it, I'd rather it'd be something real. [ Something with the capacity to be emotionally messy, he guesses, and pulls a face. Well. He asked for it. ] I just don't want to fuck it up out of the gate.
[ He leans forward to kiss Mobius. He likes the other man's smile, it helps him feel like he's made the correct choices in this. ] I had a great time, actually.
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Which is a comfort, now that he thinks about it. ] I'm sure it will pass.
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I'm here. [Not that he's planning on be anywhere else for a while.] You just tell me what you need.
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Telling Mobius what he needs? Is harder. He's used to articulating the things he wants, not determining which things are necessary. ]
I don't want to be alone, [ is what he settles on. Not that he thought there was much of a risk of that tonight, but. Another shrug. ] What happens if we're caught?
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[Which is sweet, actually. And Mobius might like to be more forthcoming, too, but it's not that simple. Nothing's ever that simple.]
This isn't a good idea. It's a great idea. It's the best idea either of us ever had, and I'm not just saying that because a post-coital glow or whatever you want to call it. You and me, this could be really something special. But I think we need to figure out what that something is first. Okay?
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He hears Mobius' request for what it is though. Time to figure out what they're doing, together, before anyone else gets involved. So he nods. ] Okay.
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[It somehow is simultaneously too fast and also just right, like they slot together perfectly, two puzzle pieces that have been getting shuffled around time and space before finally ending up in the same box. Mobius leaves a few kisses along Loki's shoulders, avoiding any potentially tender looking spots.]
And if you want to talk about this, us, [because they're going to need to and they both know it] we absolutely can, it can just wait until we're cozy in bed first.
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Does what they call themselves as a collective unit matter that much? He'll have to ask. Later, in bed, apparently.
Loki's face does something sappy when Mobius kisses his shoulders, he can tell by the feel of his features. ] I can wait. [ For once. ]
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And he will help out. Because touching Loki is going to apparently be his new pastime, and so is stealing kisses from Loki whenever possible, and being kind when kindness is called for. When'd he get so soft (and apparently also hard) for this particular variant? He's not sure he could even pinpoint a moment. But hopefully it'll never come to an end, either.]
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It's not like it's terrible, or anything. He rather likes it.
Once they're in bed, however, all bets on remaining quiet are off. Loki opens with: ]
Does what we call each other, boyfriends, partners, whatever, really matter that much?
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He hums along the curve of Loki's shoulder, giving the question a once-over.] Sometimes people use words like that to know where they stand with each other. Sometimes used to define themselves to the world. [Friends-with-benefits could be appropriate, then, but it's a little crude for Mobius' taste.] If it doesn't matter to you, then it doesn't matter to me.
[Not the word itself. It doesn't really matter. But that doesn't keep him from wondering what exactly they are as a duo, what they are to each other. Is it too soon for something like that? Or maybe it's not fair to even ask. Where else would Loki even go? Who else besides Sylvie would he see?
Anywhere, if he could. And maybe anyone. If he could. He doesn't ask a question that comes to mind, presses the absence of it as a kiss to Loki's skin.]
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[ It would be easy to be the villain in this, from the outside. Of course Loki took advantage of the one person who showed him kindness; what else would he do with that? ]
I care about what you think. If it's important to you then it's important.
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[He lets it hang, tip of his tongue between his teeth. If Loki wants to watch him instead of being the watched, then...that's fine. It's allowed, deserved even. Mobius doesn't meet his gaze. It still wants to slither up his throat and out of his traitor mouth, a question (a statement, an accusation) unbidden, but he manages to hold it back. He tries again.]
It's not the word that matters. Just wondering where you see this going, though. What you want this to be.
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[ He can tell Mobius is holding something back. What he can't tell is whether or not he wants to know what it is right now. ]
I want you in my life. I don't know... about the rest. I've never done this before, not. In any way that mattered.
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We can figure that part out as we go, too. I don't want to push you with expectations. That wouldn't be fair to you. Probably not to either one of us.
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Sylvie, he would argue, is different. Difficult to define. It doesn't help that he hasn't tried to have this conversation with her at this point, though.
He frowns a little at the word 'expectations'. Everyone has expectations, he thinks. There's nothing... intrinsically wrong with that. ]
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[He is not going to call Loki a friend with a benefit, dear god. But it's not satisfying Loki, apparently. Does he want expectations? He shouldn't. Mobius drums his fingers lightly on Loki's arm, presses another kiss to his shoulder. How does he find the words for this?]
I don't want to make presumptions about where you want this to go. I don't want to make you think we have to be...anything more than whatever we are now. I've got some pretty human ideas about, [love?] persisting relationships, I guess, that maybe don't jive with your own expectations.
I'm being kind of shit at this, aren't I.
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You're the one of us who has some sort of frame of reference for what we're doing.
If there's something you expect from me because it would make you happier, I'd rather know about it.
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[Is that enough? And on the other hand, isn't that what a relationship is, ultimately? Loki makes him happy. It's not like they're going to have some big wedding ceremony and go retire to Tahiti and raise some kids or something. They're dealing with the hands they've got. Loki makes him happy, and that is more than enough.] I don't want you to feel like you have to change to please me when I'm over here trying to make sure you're happy and comfortable and pleased yourself. No one spends enough time on you.
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He's not sure that he should say that being friends is not exactly comfortable, especially when Loki is half certain he's going to botch it at any given moment. Still: ]
I'm not saying I would change, necessarily. But I would like to know.
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Mobius has never been afraid to push Loki, to be blunt, to lie to his face, to use his knowledge of the god for his own purposes and to make Loki see himself in a new light. So why does this feel like it has to be different?
Right. Because it pushes Mobius, too. Fine. Time to push. He exhales slow.]
You care.
[That's something he's been holding back. The statement-question-accusation. There's a pinch to his look, searching Loki, analyzing, confounded. It has not eluded him, the idea of this being a con. He doesn't think it is. Or doesn't want it to be. If it is, it's the best damn lie the liesmith has ever concocted. But the possibility exists. Mobius wants this too badly to stand the thought.
He pulls a page out of Loki's playbook.]
Why?
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[ Loki frowns but it's mostly at not having the words when the words are the thing needed most at the moment. Why does he care about Mobius? ]
Because even when you were angry with me, you didn't give up on me, wash your hands of the whole matter, and I know... I know, in part, that you needed me to find Sylvie. That that particular goal took precedence, at least in the beginning. But if I were to discount everything you have done simply because the TVA needed something from me first I wouldn't have anything or anyone.
You... [ A sigh. ] You've been honest with me, which possibly shouldn't matter to someone who lies as much as I do, and yet. Everyone has lied to me, lies I never saw coming, except for my brother, and Sylvie, and you.
I care because I like who I am better for being around you. I care because it is easy, somehow, to care about you.
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So he tries very hard not to peer too closely and look too deeply, to turn this into some kind of session. Rubs a hand gently up and down Loki's back. Listens with the same attentiveness as he always does, hanging on every word.]
Probably helps that you find me attractive, smart, and interesting, huh? [A tease, an echo back to the texts that started all this in the first place.] I can't say I'll never lie to you. That's not something I can promise. Because everyone lies. Everyone, everywhere, has lied before, will lie at some point. I've lied to you already in the name of the job. But outside the job, with us, with just us and nothing hanging over our heads? About the things that count? I can at least say I'll try my best to keep being honest with you. And you, you can keep trying to be honest with me.
I think that's a little bit of what a relationship is. Trusting that we aren't lying to each other. Not about what matters most.
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I expect you to lie for the TVA; that's not what I meant. [ The rest of it however is what he meant so he nods. ] Trying is the important part or so I've been told.
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[ He leans forward to kiss Mobius. He likes the other man's smile, it helps him feel like he's made the correct choices in this. ] I had a great time, actually.
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