You know that's a little terrifying, right? [The notion that he's the one that has any idea what he's doing. That might be a dangerous assumption to make.] We can just let this ride and see where it takes us. Even if we made any decisions now, we'd be free to change them later. If being friends who also get up to very sexy hijinks is the comfortable thing, then...
[Is that enough? And on the other hand, isn't that what a relationship is, ultimately? Loki makes him happy. It's not like they're going to have some big wedding ceremony and go retire to Tahiti and raise some kids or something. They're dealing with the hands they've got. Loki makes him happy, and that is more than enough.] I don't want you to feel like you have to change to please me when I'm over here trying to make sure you're happy and comfortable and pleased yourself. No one spends enough time on you.
Well. [ He shrugs a little. He doesn't mean it to be terrifying but Mobius knows as well as he does that Loki has never done feelings before. Fucking, yes. Friendship, not so much. Feelings, definitely not.
He's not sure that he should say that being friends is not exactly comfortable, especially when Loki is half certain he's going to botch it at any given moment. Still: ]
I'm not saying I would change, necessarily. But I would like to know.
[He shakes his head. Wants to say don't worry about it, wants to assure that if there's something he wants, he'll speak up. But. This is new territory. Not sleeping with someone and staying friends after, Mobius has done that before. But this is a new thing for them, a drastic escalation in the relationship they've built in not too terribly long a relative amount of time. It feels natural, but in a way, it's completely foreign to Loki, isn't it?
Mobius has never been afraid to push Loki, to be blunt, to lie to his face, to use his knowledge of the god for his own purposes and to make Loki see himself in a new light. So why does this feel like it has to be different?
Right. Because it pushes Mobius, too. Fine. Time to push. He exhales slow.]
You care.
[That's something he's been holding back. The statement-question-accusation. There's a pinch to his look, searching Loki, analyzing, confounded. It has not eluded him, the idea of this being a con. He doesn't think it is. Or doesn't want it to be. If it is, it's the best damn lie the liesmith has ever concocted. But the possibility exists. Mobius wants this too badly to stand the thought.
[ Loki frowns but it's mostly at not having the words when the words are the thing needed most at the moment. Why does he care about Mobius? ]
Because even when you were angry with me, you didn't give up on me, wash your hands of the whole matter, and I know... I know, in part, that you needed me to find Sylvie. That that particular goal took precedence, at least in the beginning. But if I were to discount everything you have done simply because the TVA needed something from me first I wouldn't have anything or anyone.
You... [ A sigh. ] You've been honest with me, which possibly shouldn't matter to someone who lies as much as I do, and yet. Everyone has lied to me, lies I never saw coming, except for my brother, and Sylvie, and you.
I care because I like who I am better for being around you. I care because it is easy, somehow, to care about you.
[He's patient. He'll give Loki all the time in the world to find the words and gather his thoughts. It was fair of Loki to ask him questions, ask why, even if the timing sucked, because Mobius demands so many answers from him. But this is...important. The most important, maybe.
So he tries very hard not to peer too closely and look too deeply, to turn this into some kind of session. Rubs a hand gently up and down Loki's back. Listens with the same attentiveness as he always does, hanging on every word.]
Probably helps that you find me attractive, smart, and interesting, huh? [A tease, an echo back to the texts that started all this in the first place.] I can't say I'll never lie to you. That's not something I can promise. Because everyone lies. Everyone, everywhere, has lied before, will lie at some point. I've lied to you already in the name of the job. But outside the job, with us, with just us and nothing hanging over our heads? About the things that count? I can at least say I'll try my best to keep being honest with you. And you, you can keep trying to be honest with me.
I think that's a little bit of what a relationship is. Trusting that we aren't lying to each other. Not about what matters most.
It definitely doesn't hurt by any measure. [ His expression on a better day, in a conversation less fraught with feelings, could be called a comfortable smile; as it is it's there and then it's gone again as soon as it came. ]
I expect you to lie for the TVA; that's not what I meant. [ The rest of it however is what he meant so he nods. ] Trying is the important part or so I've been told.
I don't want you to feel like you owe me something just because I'm honest with you. I don't want this to be some kind of...exchange just cuz I'm nice to you. This is us, caring about each other and having a good time while doing so. [His own smile is an uncertain thing, but less fleeting at any rate.] Seemed to me like you were having a pretty good time.
It's not, [ Loki insists. ] It may have been, at first, when I was still getting to know you, but... that's not what I want to do. Kindness for payment in kind is still a trade that doesn't do much for anyone at the end of it, I'd rather it'd be something real. [ Something with the capacity to be emotionally messy, he guesses, and pulls a face. Well. He asked for it. ] I just don't want to fuck it up out of the gate.
[ He leans forward to kiss Mobius. He likes the other man's smile, it helps him feel like he's made the correct choices in this. ] I had a great time, actually.
[Kissing is definitely a good choice. Very frequently it's a good choice. It eases him up, makes his smile more comfortable.] Good, that makes two of us. Can't wait to do it again real soon. [Eventually, maybe Mobius will even believe that the time had really was that good for Loki. It's nice to hear, anyway.]
And don't worry so much about fucking it all up. We'll stumble here and there while we feel our way around this. Step on each other's toes. Part of figuring this out. I trust that this is real, so we'll cut ourselves on our sharp edges and pointy broken bits until we learn how we fit together.
[Don't worry so much seems easy for Mobius to say; he doesn't have centuries of fucking it all up under his belt. But there are kisses to be had, and they honestly go a long way towards quieting some of that noise in his head. ]
Whenever you want. [ Well. Within reason, he supposes. It's not like Loki has somewhere else to be, is it?
I trust that this is real has Loki smiling again, touching Mobius' cheek. ] I suppose I can try not to worry so much.
[If Loki keeps up touches like that, Mobius might actually get used to it. It's still a surprise, a gentle hand on his cheek, and not an unpleasant one. Mobius gets his arms more firmly around his (undefined?) partner, pulls him just a little closer.] So long as you try, that's the part that matters. And I'll always be open to talking about whatever needs talked about. In case you do worry you're fucking something up.
I can't imagine not trying. [ He can imagine convincing himself that he doesn't deserve this, Mobius' care and gentleness, much less the sex, but that doesn't mean he won't fight with himself for it.
Still. He presses his face to Mobius' shoulder to stifle a yawn. ] What else needs talked about? [ It's an honest question. Surely there are some other details they should figure out before they end up leaving this room again. ]
[It'd be easy to say forget it, or wait until morning, or they'll talk about stuff as it comes up--that last part is true, naturally, but he doesn't say any of that right away. He has to think about it, really consider.
That unspoken word floats to the forefront again. But he can't go there, not yet. Too big a word, love, too frightening. Too easy to misuse. He lets it sink again.]
We gotta figure out rooming. We can get away with this right now, but...if you wanted to stay, that'd be another discussion.
[Which is fucking wild that he can't bring himself to say The L Word but is perfectly willing to float the idea of Loki moving in with him. It's not like he has much, but it's a space meant for one, and anyway, that kind of move would probably be noticed. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.]
But that can also be something for later instead of now. [He nuzzles against Loki lightly, presses a kiss to his forehead.] I'm not gonna let this change how I treat you on the daily. You're still my responsibility, and I'm still gonna call you out when you're being a shithead. Don't think I'm about to go all soft on you just because we're a thing.
[ Loki's brow furrows in gentle confusion and contemplation, immediately smoothed out by Mobius' kiss. ]
I hadn't realized staying was an option available to me.
[ Hadn't realized that it was something Mobius would tolerate, living with Loki, much less consider.
It's probably for the best that Mobius doesn't bring up love. Loki is unused to the concept being applied to himself and is already internally reeling, just a little, at the changes on the horizon. He's not afraid, not exactly, just... it's a lot of changes.
But he smiles, when Mobius promises that he won't go easy on him, and Loki shifts deeper into the other man's arms. ] Good, I wouldn't want you to.
[It's warm, cozy, safe. To be wrapped up in one another this way, what feels like away from the world. And the physicality is easier. This whole encounter has been emotionally trying. Not just for Loki. Not with the way Mobius found himself oscillating wildly between nervousness and the desire to carve his initials on Loki's heart.
He tries to quiet the part of him that thinks that maybe he's finally bitten off more than he can chew, that making himself responsible for that very heart is a step too far, that he's going to fumble it, drop it, shatter it to pieces.]
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[Is that enough? And on the other hand, isn't that what a relationship is, ultimately? Loki makes him happy. It's not like they're going to have some big wedding ceremony and go retire to Tahiti and raise some kids or something. They're dealing with the hands they've got. Loki makes him happy, and that is more than enough.] I don't want you to feel like you have to change to please me when I'm over here trying to make sure you're happy and comfortable and pleased yourself. No one spends enough time on you.
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He's not sure that he should say that being friends is not exactly comfortable, especially when Loki is half certain he's going to botch it at any given moment. Still: ]
I'm not saying I would change, necessarily. But I would like to know.
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Mobius has never been afraid to push Loki, to be blunt, to lie to his face, to use his knowledge of the god for his own purposes and to make Loki see himself in a new light. So why does this feel like it has to be different?
Right. Because it pushes Mobius, too. Fine. Time to push. He exhales slow.]
You care.
[That's something he's been holding back. The statement-question-accusation. There's a pinch to his look, searching Loki, analyzing, confounded. It has not eluded him, the idea of this being a con. He doesn't think it is. Or doesn't want it to be. If it is, it's the best damn lie the liesmith has ever concocted. But the possibility exists. Mobius wants this too badly to stand the thought.
He pulls a page out of Loki's playbook.]
Why?
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[ Loki frowns but it's mostly at not having the words when the words are the thing needed most at the moment. Why does he care about Mobius? ]
Because even when you were angry with me, you didn't give up on me, wash your hands of the whole matter, and I know... I know, in part, that you needed me to find Sylvie. That that particular goal took precedence, at least in the beginning. But if I were to discount everything you have done simply because the TVA needed something from me first I wouldn't have anything or anyone.
You... [ A sigh. ] You've been honest with me, which possibly shouldn't matter to someone who lies as much as I do, and yet. Everyone has lied to me, lies I never saw coming, except for my brother, and Sylvie, and you.
I care because I like who I am better for being around you. I care because it is easy, somehow, to care about you.
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So he tries very hard not to peer too closely and look too deeply, to turn this into some kind of session. Rubs a hand gently up and down Loki's back. Listens with the same attentiveness as he always does, hanging on every word.]
Probably helps that you find me attractive, smart, and interesting, huh? [A tease, an echo back to the texts that started all this in the first place.] I can't say I'll never lie to you. That's not something I can promise. Because everyone lies. Everyone, everywhere, has lied before, will lie at some point. I've lied to you already in the name of the job. But outside the job, with us, with just us and nothing hanging over our heads? About the things that count? I can at least say I'll try my best to keep being honest with you. And you, you can keep trying to be honest with me.
I think that's a little bit of what a relationship is. Trusting that we aren't lying to each other. Not about what matters most.
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I expect you to lie for the TVA; that's not what I meant. [ The rest of it however is what he meant so he nods. ] Trying is the important part or so I've been told.
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[ He leans forward to kiss Mobius. He likes the other man's smile, it helps him feel like he's made the correct choices in this. ] I had a great time, actually.
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And don't worry so much about fucking it all up. We'll stumble here and there while we feel our way around this. Step on each other's toes. Part of figuring this out. I trust that this is real, so we'll cut ourselves on our sharp edges and pointy broken bits until we learn how we fit together.
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Whenever you want. [ Well. Within reason, he supposes. It's not like Loki has somewhere else to be, is it?
I trust that this is real has Loki smiling again, touching Mobius' cheek. ] I suppose I can try not to worry so much.
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Still. He presses his face to Mobius' shoulder to stifle a yawn. ] What else needs talked about? [ It's an honest question. Surely there are some other details they should figure out before they end up leaving this room again. ]
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That unspoken word floats to the forefront again. But he can't go there, not yet. Too big a word, love, too frightening. Too easy to misuse. He lets it sink again.]
We gotta figure out rooming. We can get away with this right now, but...if you wanted to stay, that'd be another discussion.
[Which is fucking wild that he can't bring himself to say The L Word but is perfectly willing to float the idea of Loki moving in with him. It's not like he has much, but it's a space meant for one, and anyway, that kind of move would probably be noticed. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.]
But that can also be something for later instead of now. [He nuzzles against Loki lightly, presses a kiss to his forehead.] I'm not gonna let this change how I treat you on the daily. You're still my responsibility, and I'm still gonna call you out when you're being a shithead. Don't think I'm about to go all soft on you just because we're a thing.
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I hadn't realized staying was an option available to me.
[ Hadn't realized that it was something Mobius would tolerate, living with Loki, much less consider.
It's probably for the best that Mobius doesn't bring up love. Loki is unused to the concept being applied to himself and is already internally reeling, just a little, at the changes on the horizon. He's not afraid, not exactly, just... it's a lot of changes.
But he smiles, when Mobius promises that he won't go easy on him, and Loki shifts deeper into the other man's arms. ] Good, I wouldn't want you to.
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He tries to quiet the part of him that thinks that maybe he's finally bitten off more than he can chew, that making himself responsible for that very heart is a step too far, that he's going to fumble it, drop it, shatter it to pieces.]
Get some rest. I'll be right here.