[ This is... nice in a way that Loki would find difficult to explain. To be held, to have skin-on-skin contact, drives away some of the agitations that have settled in his bones over the years. Touch starved is the phrase that comes to mind, and he wonders at that, curious as to how it has driven him without him even being aware of it.
Every time someone touches him, it's nigh on a miracle. A small shock that collects under the skin, in his nerve endings, because... because he doesn't think he deserves their touch.
She sighs and he attempts to banish that thought, knowing it'll come back, unbidden, as many of his negative thoughts do. Still. He doesn't want to think of his many failings here and now, the various ways in which he's a broken thing that craves contact in all its forms. He'd rather focus on the not-so-small miracle of the woman in his arms, the softness of her skin and the scent of her hair; how he can feel the dampness of her breath in her sigh against him. She curls in closer and his hands settle at her hips before moving upward, fingers splayed along her ribs. Kisses the top of her head and breathes.
This is different. This is nice, and he doesn't particularly want to let loose the burning desire that still churns in the pit of his stomach just yet. ]
[ It has been a long time since her body has been still this way. She is held, and knows herself wanted; holds, and knows her want of him to be a welcomed thing. There is so little else in this world that she has truly desired, and the having of it makes her soft and heavy, pliant in his arms.
Settled as close as she can get, with the stir of his breath and lips in her hair, Alexandrie sighs her contentment again and lets her eyes drift closed on long and even breaths.
And then she finds there are words in her. Murmurs them into his skin. ]
Thank you. For being here.
[ She would go back to her rest thereafter, but the feeling of โwordsโ isnโt gone, and it feelsโฆ important. Important enough to say, for him to know, that she opens her eyes again and tilts her head up so she can look at him with soft sincerity, speak in a quiet voice to match. ]
[ Loki makes a sharp inhale at her words, blinking rapidly.
Has anyone said anything like that to him before this moment? He thinks perhaps Thor has expressed a joy at having Loki somewhere or another, but... no one has thanked him for it before. He searches her eyes, not for proof that she means it, exactly, but because he has no idea what he should say.
Tears well up in the corner of his eyes and he shuts them to put a stop to it, but it only does the opposite, causing them to run down the sides of his cheeks. He gives his head a little shake but otherwise is speechless.
He feels he has no idea what it really means, to be here in the first place, so thoroughly removed from all that he once loved or recently found familiar. Isn't certain how long it will take him to figure that out. But she cares for him, about him, and that feels wildly precious in this moment, in a way that overwhelms him completely.
The petulant child within him wants to ask why, is she sure? Instead he opens his eyes and nods a little. ]
[ Alexandrie tears up a little in response, tucks her head against Loki's neck and runs a hand down his back to its low curve and up again in the hopes of steadying him. Presses her lips to him less to kiss and more to have another way to touch.
She will not try to soothe him more than this; more than holding, more than staying. If there is something in him that needs to cry to be wanted for simply holding her and being in her arms she wants to let it so he knows she'll hold it too. ]
[ It takes him a series of moments to pull himself together; her touch, her kisses, help him ground himself in this moment again. It helps him to not feel weak for having overwhelming feelings, the way she just allows Loki to cry without any of her own obvious distress. He swallows as he kisses her back, soft and gentle and perhaps needier than he would otherwise.
Perhaps. It's hard to say. She keeps surprising him, pulling these parts of him out into the daylight that had been content to hide in the shadows of his heart.
A sigh and he kisses her again, more heated this time, before kissing her nose, her forehead, the corners of her eyes. ]
[ The first kiss she can breathe through, can still return it with the same softness, the same quiet closeness.
The second she can't. The heat in it is an edge too much, a single step just far enough from the shore that in an instant she goes from floating on water to pulled underneath by the riptide. Is suddenly conscious of how much of her skin touches his, how closely they are wound together, and the pads of her fingers press into his back and the last breath she took comes out sound. Soft still, but unmistakable as anything but want of him.
Single tiny spark.
By the time his lips reach the corners of her eyes she has started a slow sinuous roll of her body against his, a wordlessโ and shamelessโ request for Loki to remember what she has about the way they are lying together, and her eyes, when they open, are dark and intent with desire. ]
[ A small thing can be very powerful in its effect; Loki knows this intrinsically, and yet when Alexandrie presses close and shifts her body as he kisses her, the effect is rather like an avalanche to his senses. He becomes re-aware of every place their bodies touch, every contact of skin, the way in which her touch has changed and become charged in the blink of an eye.
She looks at him with an expression full of desire, of wanting, and Loki's eyes mirror that want as he touches her cheek, hand drifting down the side of her neck, fingers skimming across her shoulder. He leans in for another kiss, this one more insistent than the last, sinking teeth into her lower lip before swiping at it with his tongue in apology. One of his thighs presses in between hers, parting her legs enough to apply some slow but steady pressure there, and his hand travels down across her side and settles at her hip. ]
[ There is a part of Alexandrie that is stunnedโ one slightly to the side of how she gasps sharply at his teeth, shivers at the gentler tongue that follows, parts legs for him, tilts hips such that his press against her sweetens and she seeks after it in tiny rocking movements against his thigh unbidden. A part that wants to ask How? How can it be like this between us, and so swiftly? but does not know to whom it should be said... if she could manage to say anything at all.
Her words are kisses, open mouthed and seeking. How she drags her fingers down his back and spreads them to caress before she's grabbing firmly for his hips to pull him tighter. The slide of her face to the side so she can rub her cheek against his before curling herself in so she can taste his neck, can follow with her tongue until it slopes to shoulder and then bite there, muffling her sounds against his skin. ]
[ If she asked he would have no good answers for her, especially not in this moment; her sounds, her movements against him do little but inspire him to cause more of the same.
Alexandrie continues to surprise him in so many ways.
She kisses him and he returns with equal energy, indulging in the taste of her mouth before she pulls him close, before she runs her tongue along his neck, before she bites him. He hisses then, fingers tensing against her skin, and that hiss breaks into a breathy chuckle. His body presses into her in response to the flash of pain, but instead of indulging his first instinct to press her into the mattress he goes with his second; to pull her even closer and roll onto his back. ]
[ But she wants to be pressed; wants to be able to wrap her legs around his waist, to be able to curl her fingers and dig nails into his shoulders, drag them down his back to make him hiss again when her lips are free to close over the sound and pull it from his mouth with her tongue.
And so when they are halfway through his roll she throws her weight to the side in an attempt to continue it, to end with him again above herโ albeit perilously close to the edge of the bed. ]
[ It works. It works too well, actually, because Loki doesn't balance himself near well enough to stop the momentum that causes him to roll towards the floor. He knows enough about how to fall not to throw an arm out, but his legs are tangled up in hers so he does hit the floor pretty solidly.
And then immediately bursts into loud laughter because it's either that or be sore about it (emotionally, physically) which seems like the lesser choice here. Either way, he's on the floor. Might as well have a good time about it.
He did manage to hold on to her well enough that he took the brunt of the fall, but it'll be a moment before he's able to draw enough breath to ask her if she's alright without laughing. ]
[ On Alexandrie's part, a short shriek of alarm as her plan backfires and sends them tumbling off the bed with a solid thud to tangle on the floor. Having fallen mostly on him, she is full of worry and chagrin until the breaths that he can pull are used in laughter.
And so she laughs, lightly touches the crinkles at the corner of his eye, and props herself up on one hand to look down at him with little crinkles of her own. ]
Dragons, look what I have wrought. You must lie there and recover whilst I make amends.
[ And giggling still with mischief in her eyes, she slides herself down him until she can nip gently at the skin above his hip bone like a question and smile up at him with raised eyebrows. ]
I don't think I have much choice in the matter, [ comes his reply, but he does take a moment to try and corral his breathing again with his hands on her shoulders. ]
Dragons, [ he murmurs to himself, and laughs again, softer this time.
Loki was always fascinated by dragons.
He lets go to allow her to move down his body, taking in a sharp but pleased breath when she bites at his skin. He folds his hands on his chest before shifting them so that he's up on his elbows to look down at her, hair in his face all over again as he nods, agreeing to whatever amends she feels the need to bring to him. ]
[ Her particular amends involve another little scrape of her teeth followed by a smile against him and a varying series of kisses that travel towards his midline. Little pecks, brushes of her lips and nose, open mouthed kisses that draw a little at his skin, all on an upward arcing path that meansโ should he part his legs to give her room to settle between them as the hand now smoothing down his inner thigh with a gentle pressure is requestingโ she can arch her back and let a breast brush along the length of him as if by accident.
Her pleased little hum as she does so implies this is not the case. ]
But of course you have choicesโ
[ She pauses in her movement, looks up at Loki innocently. ]
And I can always stopโ [ this punctuated by a light run of the tip of her tongue on himโ ] if you like.
[ Moving for her is easily done; his nostrils flare as she brushes her body against his, nerves alight all over again. Then Alexandrie licks him and he shudders, eyes heavy-lidded.
He doesn't mind the floor at all, actually. ]
Well, then. Since I have choices, [ he drawls, smiling at her, ] I choose to remain right here where I am and humbly request that you continue however you like.
[ Her smile is brightโ even smudged as it isโ as she dips her head in a courtly acquiescence that belongs more on a dance floor than on the floor before resuming the path of little kisses now heading downwards towards his other hip.
She could stay light and playful, butโ
But it is the first she does this, and Alexandrie finds she wants it very much to matter. To feel different, be different than any lover he had had before. She might share with them her practiced hand and supple tongue but what she has to give that's only hers is an earnest heart that she can show him in the way she touches him.
And so instead, when she finally lays a hand upon his cock, it is as reverent as it had been when she'd helped free him from his pantsโ a slow touch that wants to hold him, learn him. To love him. To find with lips, with fingers, flattened tongue, light touches of her teeth and nails, what pleases him. What makes him gasp, or hiss, or tense his thighs, shift hips, or moan for her.
All this she does without taking him into her mouth; waiting, waiting until eventually she murmurs ]
Show me, [ looking up at him from close enough that her lips will brush the tip of him when she speaks while she reaches for his hand to gently pull at it, encourage it into her hair, ] what it is you like.
[ He watches her, eyes dark with lust, as she touches him with such care, emotionally charged as it is, that on a different day it might drive him to look away; today, however, he keeps his eyes on her throughout, taking deep breaths to steady himself, tensing and relaxing muscles as she goes.
At her insistence his hand goes easily to her hair, fingers getting lost in riotous curls that look so different down than they had coiffed and away from her face. ]
I โ [ he begins, pauses, takes a breath. ] It would be cheating, perhaps, to say that as a self-professed hedonist I like everything; it's more true to say that I've enjoyed being on the receiving end of pain more than a little bit, in the past. [ He tilts his head in her direction, offering her a one-armed shrug before he swallows. ] But I don't want this to be entirely made of those things.
You take so much care and I. I would like to feel worthy of that.
[ The phrasing makes Alexandrie pause, on this sunlit morning. Makes her look at Loki with hawklike curiosity. Surely, in a thousand yearsโ
But if he had not trusted, if the hands that hurt him had not lovedโ
She sits up then, high on her knees, and moves to straddle him. To take his face in gentle hands and curve down to kiss his forehead, then speak there as she threads her fingers slowly into his hair. ]
No [ comes the simple answer, with Loki shaking his head once. His hand moves from her hair to her shoulder before dropping away to settle at her waist now that she's so close. ] Care has not necessarily been... a matter of course.
[ He knows it doesn't say anything good, precisely, about his past experiences, but. He courted that reality as much as he accepted it. ]
[ There is a single moment where she wants the blood of everyone whoโs ever laid a hand on him to harm. Then they become irrelevant. Then everything becomes irrelevant except what is Loki: the smooth of her thumb over his cheek, his skin beneath her lips once more before she pulls back to look at him as if with her gaze alone she could fold wings around him. ]
It need not be now, butโ
I will show you, if you wish it.
[ itโs said as gentle and sure as her fingers are upon his face. ]
[ Being this close means he gets to marvel at the expressions that flicker across her face. The anger, fleeting but bright, replaced by that selfsame caring once more.
He feels unworthy of either.
Loki searches her face for some sign that she doesn't mean it. It's not there. ]
I do wish it.
[ He's never been one to turn down similar offers once presented. This is the same.
[ He considers that for a moment. There is little he hasn't done, and enjoyed on some level, and yet. Loki's mind flashes to the scene of his death at the hands of the Mad Titan and he draws a breath, momentarily unsettled. ]
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Every time someone touches him, it's nigh on a miracle. A small shock that collects under the skin, in his nerve endings, because... because he doesn't think he deserves their touch.
She sighs and he attempts to banish that thought, knowing it'll come back, unbidden, as many of his negative thoughts do. Still. He doesn't want to think of his many failings here and now, the various ways in which he's a broken thing that craves contact in all its forms. He'd rather focus on the not-so-small miracle of the woman in his arms, the softness of her skin and the scent of her hair; how he can feel the dampness of her breath in her sigh against him. She curls in closer and his hands settle at her hips before moving upward, fingers splayed along her ribs. Kisses the top of her head and breathes.
This is different. This is nice, and he doesn't particularly want to let loose the burning desire that still churns in the pit of his stomach just yet. ]
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Settled as close as she can get, with the stir of his breath and lips in her hair, Alexandrie sighs her contentment again and lets her eyes drift closed on long and even breaths.
And then she finds there are words in her. Murmurs them into his skin. ]
Thank you. For being here.
[ She would go back to her rest thereafter, but the feeling of โwordsโ isnโt gone, and it feelsโฆ important. Important enough to say, for him to know, that she opens her eyes again and tilts her head up so she can look at him with soft sincerity, speak in a quiet voice to match. ]
I am so glad that you are here.
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Has anyone said anything like that to him before this moment? He thinks perhaps Thor has expressed a joy at having Loki somewhere or another, but... no one has thanked him for it before. He searches her eyes, not for proof that she means it, exactly, but because he has no idea what he should say.
Tears well up in the corner of his eyes and he shuts them to put a stop to it, but it only does the opposite, causing them to run down the sides of his cheeks. He gives his head a little shake but otherwise is speechless.
He feels he has no idea what it really means, to be here in the first place, so thoroughly removed from all that he once loved or recently found familiar. Isn't certain how long it will take him to figure that out. But she cares for him, about him, and that feels wildly precious in this moment, in a way that overwhelms him completely.
The petulant child within him wants to ask why, is she sure? Instead he opens his eyes and nods a little. ]
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She will not try to soothe him more than this; more than holding, more than staying. If there is something in him that needs to cry to be wanted for simply holding her and being in her arms she wants to let it so he knows she'll hold it too. ]
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Perhaps. It's hard to say. She keeps surprising him, pulling these parts of him out into the daylight that had been content to hide in the shadows of his heart.
A sigh and he kisses her again, more heated this time, before kissing her nose, her forehead, the corners of her eyes. ]
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The second she can't. The heat in it is an edge too much, a single step just far enough from the shore that in an instant she goes from floating on water to pulled underneath by the riptide. Is suddenly conscious of how much of her skin touches his, how closely they are wound together, and the pads of her fingers press into his back and the last breath she took comes out sound. Soft still, but unmistakable as anything but want of him.
Single tiny spark.
By the time his lips reach the corners of her eyes she has started a slow sinuous roll of her body against his, a wordlessโ and shamelessโ request for Loki to remember what she has about the way they are lying together, and her eyes, when they open, are dark and intent with desire. ]
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She looks at him with an expression full of desire, of wanting, and Loki's eyes mirror that want as he touches her cheek, hand drifting down the side of her neck, fingers skimming across her shoulder. He leans in for another kiss, this one more insistent than the last, sinking teeth into her lower lip before swiping at it with his tongue in apology. One of his thighs presses in between hers, parting her legs enough to apply some slow but steady pressure there, and his hand travels down across her side and settles at her hip. ]
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Her words are kisses, open mouthed and seeking. How she drags her fingers down his back and spreads them to caress before she's grabbing firmly for his hips to pull him tighter. The slide of her face to the side so she can rub her cheek against his before curling herself in so she can taste his neck, can follow with her tongue until it slopes to shoulder and then bite there, muffling her sounds against his skin. ]
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Alexandrie continues to surprise him in so many ways.
She kisses him and he returns with equal energy, indulging in the taste of her mouth before she pulls him close, before she runs her tongue along his neck, before she bites him. He hisses then, fingers tensing against her skin, and that hiss breaks into a breathy chuckle. His body presses into her in response to the flash of pain, but instead of indulging his first instinct to press her into the mattress he goes with his second; to pull her even closer and roll onto his back. ]
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And so when they are halfway through his roll she throws her weight to the side in an attempt to continue it, to end with him again above herโ albeit perilously close to the edge of the bed. ]
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And then immediately bursts into loud laughter because it's either that or be sore about it (emotionally, physically) which seems like the lesser choice here. Either way, he's on the floor. Might as well have a good time about it.
He did manage to hold on to her well enough that he took the brunt of the fall, but it'll be a moment before he's able to draw enough breath to ask her if she's alright without laughing. ]
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And so she laughs, lightly touches the crinkles at the corner of his eye, and props herself up on one hand to look down at him with little crinkles of her own. ]
Dragons, look what I have wrought. You must lie there and recover whilst I make amends.
[ And giggling still with mischief in her eyes, she slides herself down him until she can nip gently at the skin above his hip bone like a question and smile up at him with raised eyebrows. ]
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Dragons, [ he murmurs to himself, and laughs again, softer this time.
Loki was always fascinated by dragons.
He lets go to allow her to move down his body, taking in a sharp but pleased breath when she bites at his skin. He folds his hands on his chest before shifting them so that he's up on his elbows to look down at her, hair in his face all over again as he nods, agreeing to whatever amends she feels the need to bring to him. ]
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Her pleased little hum as she does so implies this is not the case. ]
But of course you have choicesโ
[ She pauses in her movement, looks up at Loki innocently. ]
And I can always stopโ [ this punctuated by a light run of the tip of her tongue on himโ ] if you like.
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He doesn't mind the floor at all, actually. ]
Well, then. Since I have choices, [ he drawls, smiling at her, ] I choose to remain right here where I am and humbly request that you continue however you like.
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She could stay light and playful, butโ
But it is the first she does this, and Alexandrie finds she wants it very much to matter. To feel different, be different than any lover he had had before. She might share with them her practiced hand and supple tongue but what she has to give that's only hers is an earnest heart that she can show him in the way she touches him.
And so instead, when she finally lays a hand upon his cock, it is as reverent as it had been when she'd helped free him from his pantsโ a slow touch that wants to hold him, learn him. To love him. To find with lips, with fingers, flattened tongue, light touches of her teeth and nails, what pleases him. What makes him gasp, or hiss, or tense his thighs, shift hips, or moan for her.
All this she does without taking him into her mouth; waiting, waiting until eventually she murmurs ]
Show me, [ looking up at him from close enough that her lips will brush the tip of him when she speaks while she reaches for his hand to gently pull at it, encourage it into her hair, ] what it is you like.
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At her insistence his hand goes easily to her hair, fingers getting lost in riotous curls that look so different down than they had coiffed and away from her face. ]
I โ [ he begins, pauses, takes a breath. ] It would be cheating, perhaps, to say that as a self-professed hedonist I like everything; it's more true to say that I've enjoyed being on the receiving end of pain more than a little bit, in the past. [ He tilts his head in her direction, offering her a one-armed shrug before he swallows. ] But I don't want this to be entirely made of those things.
You take so much care and I. I would like to feel worthy of that.
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But if he had not trusted, if the hands that hurt him had not lovedโ
She sits up then, high on her knees, and moves to straddle him. To take his face in gentle hands and curve down to kiss his forehead, then speak there as she threads her fingers slowly into his hair. ]
Have you not known it then, as care?
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[ He knows it doesn't say anything good, precisely, about his past experiences, but. He courted that reality as much as he accepted it. ]
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It need not be now, butโ
I will show you, if you wish it.
[ itโs said as gentle and sure as her fingers are upon his face. ]
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He feels unworthy of either.
Loki searches her face for some sign that she doesn't mean it. It's not there. ]
I do wish it.
[ He's never been one to turn down similar offers once presented. This is the same.
This will be different. ]
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I require the answers to three questions, then, and one promise.
[ She pulls back a little to look at him, solemn and sincere. ]
My husband had the use of healing magics. Do you?
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He can manage that.
The first question makes sense; there's something akin to regret in his features when he answers. ]
No, I don't.
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The second, then: ]
Is there aught you know you do not wish from me?
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Nothing around my throat. No choking of any kind.
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usericon keywords just for you
bless
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