[ The phrasing makes Alexandrie pause, on this sunlit morning. Makes her look at Loki with hawklike curiosity. Surely, in a thousand yearsβ
But if he had not trusted, if the hands that hurt him had not lovedβ
She sits up then, high on her knees, and moves to straddle him. To take his face in gentle hands and curve down to kiss his forehead, then speak there as she threads her fingers slowly into his hair. ]
No [ comes the simple answer, with Loki shaking his head once. His hand moves from her hair to her shoulder before dropping away to settle at her waist now that she's so close. ] Care has not necessarily been... a matter of course.
[ He knows it doesn't say anything good, precisely, about his past experiences, but. He courted that reality as much as he accepted it. ]
[ There is a single moment where she wants the blood of everyone whoβs ever laid a hand on him to harm. Then they become irrelevant. Then everything becomes irrelevant except what is Loki: the smooth of her thumb over his cheek, his skin beneath her lips once more before she pulls back to look at him as if with her gaze alone she could fold wings around him. ]
It need not be now, butβ
I will show you, if you wish it.
[ itβs said as gentle and sure as her fingers are upon his face. ]
[ Being this close means he gets to marvel at the expressions that flicker across her face. The anger, fleeting but bright, replaced by that selfsame caring once more.
He feels unworthy of either.
Loki searches her face for some sign that she doesn't mean it. It's not there. ]
I do wish it.
[ He's never been one to turn down similar offers once presented. This is the same.
[ He considers that for a moment. There is little he hasn't done, and enjoyed on some level, and yet. Loki's mind flashes to the scene of his death at the hands of the Mad Titan and he draws a breath, momentarily unsettled. ]
[ Another nod, another soft stroke of his cheek, this time accompanied by a light press of her lips against his forehead as if it could could banish whatever thought, whatever experience he'd had that would unsettle him.
[ His first thought is that he is certain he will not need to do so.
His second is that this, perhaps, is why she's extracting this promise from him in the first place; his presumption that his own suffering is not as important as the goal, whatever the goal may be. Loki bites into his bottom lip and nods. ]
[ She looks at him, at the change of the thought in his eyes, until she sees something that satisfies her. And then Alexandrie closes her eyes.
One long breath, two.
When she opens them again she too is the same and different. Her fingers remain gentle, but there is something still and purposeful in them. That there is care in her eyes is unchanged, but her gaze now holds the same raptorial sharpness of her curiosity. Unlike her curiosity, its intensity is not a brief visitor; she tracks his every heartbeat from the sky. ]
There are two more questions. βOnes I cannot ask until I am as I am now.
[ Her voice is lower, smooth and steady; a far cry from her fluttering airy ease, but still recognizably hers. The way she holds his face less feather-touch, more something that might be leaned on. ]
Then, something changes. The weight of her gaze on him is heavier, now, more intent, more intense. Something drops a bit in his stomach, settles in his chest.
It should surprise him, he thinks, that she could be like this and so easily, that he could observe the changes in her face, her voice, her hand on his face, and be so much more aroused than he was just moments ago.
No, he's just enthralled by it instead. ]
It does. [ It doesn't feel unsafe, certainly, even as some part of his hindbrain is in full-throated nervous cackle, but that is all anticipation and lacking in fear.
Loki keeps his eyes on hers even as he tilts his face into her touch, rubbing his cheek along her palm. ]
[ There is an Alexandrie who would cup his cheek in answer; this is not she. Instead, she turns his face back toward her. It is neither hard nor fierce, simply correction: Pay attention. I am not finished. ]
[ A kind of warmth kindles in her to hear it, one that reaches her eyes and for a moment tempers the stark intensity of the way she looks at him. It is in the little smile she wears; a protective, possessive thing.
She bends to kiss him. For the space of a breath it is sweet, her fingers soft again as they slide into his hair to cradle the back of his head. And then she shifts; moves slightly forward on her knees to force him to tilt his head back farther and deepens the kiss. Her other hand spreads, settles thumb against the high delicacy of his cheekbone, fingers above and below his ear, the last two reaching towards the back of his neck, all curling to hold him securely as she slides from sweet to heated. Insistent.
Her lips part over his, a prompt to follow; if he is not quick enough to open for her she will biteβ
[ That possessive tint to her smile settles in his bones. He is wanted, and he is wanting. Loki tilts his head back easily, one hand still at her waist. He is, however, not fast enough in his response to avoid her bite, a sharp inhale and the opening of his lips the marker of how he takes this correction.
Normally he is a bit of a brat; constantly pushing boundaries to find which ones are firm and which ones are lines in the sand at a rising tide. But he doesn't know where the boundaries lie, here, and so he is waiting to see what she'll instruct him in. How she'll cause him pain.
[ His reward for that correction is a low pleased hum, the gentle draw of the place she'd bitten his lip into her mouth so she can pass her tongue just as gently over it. A small moment of reprieve before she shifts and presses hard, kisses him as if she might devour him to keep him.
And slowly, bit by bit, the hand in his hair tightens. Until he notices. Until that secure and satisfying pull, an ache on the edge of hurting. Until it crosses that line and becomes sharp. Further; she is waiting until she thinks it tugs at his attention, until he pays her hand enough mind that he will be unprepared for her to bite again, the same place she had before. Sharp, then held clamped between unyielding teeth until she's given time for the sensation of it to change, to become diffuse, and then she lets him go; releases his lip, relaxes her hand to a supportive cradle, and pulls away to look at him and take his measure. ]
[ When he notices, when the pain of her grip on his hair cuts through the haze of kiss, Loki moans soft and needy into her mouth. He doesn't pull away from her kiss at any point. His breath comes out fast and that moan turns into a keening noise, soft and high in his throat when she bites him and doesn't let up.
His eyes are shut at first, but when he opens them the pupils are wide when she pulls away to look at him. Loki's breath comes out in heavy, short pants, and his fingers remain soft at her waist. The hand on the floor has balled up into a fist, and he sucks his bottom lip into her mouth as she watches him. ]
[ She marks them; the clench of Loki's fist, his breath, his eyes, the pull of lip into mouth, and there is a warmth in the way she looks at him. A depth of care, yes, but more than that. Pleasure. Pride, and not in herself; in the having of him.
Alexandrie bends to brush her cheek against his as a cat does to claim, reveling in the gentle friction of it on her way to speak ]
How beautiful you are, my Prince of Asgard.
[ soft but clear at his ear before she takes the lobe of it between her teeth and takes her time dragging down the length of it, releasing him and pulling back again to set a finger underneath his chin to lift it a little. To draw his focus. Waits until he looks at her to say ]
[ Loki receives her compliment surrounded by the scent of her perfume. His eyes slide shut again, tilting his head down a little and breathing out through his mouth as she pulls her teeth across his earlobe.
When Alexandrie touches his chin he swallows, opening his eyes and raising his head to her gentle encouragement. He raises his eyebrows, before moving his hands to interlace his fingers and create a cradle beneath where the backs of her thighs transition into the curve of her ass. ] Hold on, [ he says softly, mouth quirking into a half-smile before bending his legs and rising to his feet.
They're just on the other side of the bed so it doesn't take much to pivot to where he's sitting on the edge of the mattress, hands still underneath Alexandrie. Now he breaks into a wider smile, feeling very good about following the letter of her directive and also being able to touch her. ]
[ Gamely, Alexandrie holds on. If she's surprised by the seeming effortlessness of how he lifts her from floor to standing in a smooth motion (which she is), she does little more to show it than raising her eyebrows and giving Loki a reevaluating look, her lips twitching with amusement.
She traces the path of his smile with a thumb, and the look turns to one of consideration; what is it that she wishes? Not all control, nor for all his gasps and keening to be due to the sharpness of her. She wants to meet him, too, in a love without such roles, where they both might shift through give and take and learn one another.
Something shifts in her face, a vulnerability surfacing in her eyes before she closes them and breathes for a moment, her body becoming a little weightier on his hands as she softens. ]
Will it disappoint you, if I do not wish this to be how we first learn one another?
[ Quiet, as she opens her eyes again to look into his. ]
That I wish to know how we are together before we play in changing the rules?
[ She closes her eyes and he wonders, immediately, if he's done something wrong. Not in the sense of requiring correction, exactly, but in... some other, less clearly delineated manner. When she softens, speaks, he releases a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and shakes his head, smile turning more subtle, something just for her. ]
No, it doesn't disappoint me.
[ When she opens her eyes his smile widens again. One of his hands comes up to brush the backs of his fingers, his fingertips, along her cheekbone. ]
I... [ He sighs, shakes his head a little. ] You surprise me at every turn, your strength, the breadth of your care. Your beauty steals the air from my lungs and I wonder how I could be fortunate enough to be a recipient of any of it, but disappointment? No. Not that.
I want, more than most things, to be yours. I know that doesn't have to come in the one type of arrangement. [ Another shake of his head. ] It is an easy thing for me to fall into.
[ A similar breath leaves her when he says no, brushes fingers across her face. And she listens. Smiles softly to be beautiful, and caring, and strong. Lets it tremble a little beneath eyes that shine wetly when he says he wants to be hers.
She sniffs a little, touches his face in mirror. Recovers as if her hand on him soothed her. ]
It is... a simple tumble for me, as well. I cannot but respond to it, and for the parts that are painβ [ her smile turns a little wryβ ] I fear there is little escape from my wildness unless I make concerted effort.
[ One of her hands moves slowly to tangle itself in his hair; not to pull, or to grasp, but to hold the way a child holds something that makes them safe.
Quietly, then: ]
But I would like to be yours too. To know that even with all the power in the world to leave that you would choose to stay.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But if he had not trusted, if the hands that hurt him had not lovedβ
She sits up then, high on her knees, and moves to straddle him. To take his face in gentle hands and curve down to kiss his forehead, then speak there as she threads her fingers slowly into his hair. ]
Have you not known it then, as care?
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[ He knows it doesn't say anything good, precisely, about his past experiences, but. He courted that reality as much as he accepted it. ]
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It need not be now, butβ
I will show you, if you wish it.
[ itβs said as gentle and sure as her fingers are upon his face. ]
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He feels unworthy of either.
Loki searches her face for some sign that she doesn't mean it. It's not there. ]
I do wish it.
[ He's never been one to turn down similar offers once presented. This is the same.
This will be different. ]
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I require the answers to three questions, then, and one promise.
[ She pulls back a little to look at him, solemn and sincere. ]
My husband had the use of healing magics. Do you?
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He can manage that.
The first question makes sense; there's something akin to regret in his features when he answers. ]
No, I don't.
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The second, then: ]
Is there aught you know you do not wish from me?
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Nothing around my throat. No choking of any kind.
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Third: ]
What word will you speak if you wish me to stop?
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Rabbit.
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I wish from you this promise: if you have need, you will use it.
[ Her eyes are still solemn, but there is the edge of a plea in them now. ]
I will hurt you, but I have no wish to do you harm. I need to know you will not let me, or I cannot do this.
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His second is that this, perhaps, is why she's extracting this promise from him in the first place; his presumption that his own suffering is not as important as the goal, whatever the goal may be. Loki bites into his bottom lip and nods. ]
You have my word. I'll use it, if I need to.
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One long breath, two.
When she opens them again she too is the same and different. Her fingers remain gentle, but there is something still and purposeful in them. That there is care in her eyes is unchanged, but her gaze now holds the same raptorial sharpness of her curiosity. Unlike her curiosity, its intensity is not a brief visitor; she tracks his every heartbeat from the sky. ]
There are two more questions. βOnes I cannot ask until I am as I am now.
[ Her voice is lower, smooth and steady; a far cry from her fluttering airy ease, but still recognizably hers. The way she holds his face less feather-touch, more something that might be leaned on. ]
Does it feel safe, to give yourself to me?
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Then, something changes. The weight of her gaze on him is heavier, now, more intent, more intense. Something drops a bit in his stomach, settles in his chest.
It should surprise him, he thinks, that she could be like this and so easily, that he could observe the changes in her face, her voice, her hand on his face, and be so much more aroused than he was just moments ago.
No, he's just enthralled by it instead. ]
It does. [ It doesn't feel unsafe, certainly, even as some part of his hindbrain is in full-throated nervous cackle, but that is all anticipation and lacking in fear.
Loki keeps his eyes on hers even as he tilts his face into her touch, rubbing his cheek along her palm. ]
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And do you?
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Yes, I do.
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She bends to kiss him. For the space of a breath it is sweet, her fingers soft again as they slide into his hair to cradle the back of his head. And then she shifts; moves slightly forward on her knees to force him to tilt his head back farther and deepens the kiss. Her other hand spreads, settles thumb against the high delicacy of his cheekbone, fingers above and below his ear, the last two reaching towards the back of his neck, all curling to hold him securely as she slides from sweet to heated. Insistent.
Her lips part over his, a prompt to follow; if he is not quick enough to open for her she will biteβ
it will not be a nip. ]
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Normally he is a bit of a brat; constantly pushing boundaries to find which ones are firm and which ones are lines in the sand at a rising tide. But he doesn't know where the boundaries lie, here, and so he is waiting to see what she'll instruct him in. How she'll cause him pain.
He looks forward to it. ]
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And slowly, bit by bit, the hand in his hair tightens. Until he notices. Until that secure and satisfying pull, an ache on the edge of hurting. Until it crosses that line and becomes sharp. Further; she is waiting until she thinks it tugs at his attention, until he pays her hand enough mind that he will be unprepared for her to bite again, the same place she had before. Sharp, then held clamped between unyielding teeth until she's given time for the sensation of it to change, to become diffuse, and then she lets him go; releases his lip, relaxes her hand to a supportive cradle, and pulls away to look at him and take his measure. ]
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His eyes are shut at first, but when he opens them the pupils are wide when she pulls away to look at him. Loki's breath comes out in heavy, short pants, and his fingers remain soft at her waist. The hand on the floor has balled up into a fist, and he sucks his bottom lip into her mouth as she watches him. ]
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Alexandrie bends to brush her cheek against his as a cat does to claim, reveling in the gentle friction of it on her way to speak ]
How beautiful you are, my Prince of Asgard.
[ soft but clear at his ear before she takes the lobe of it between her teeth and takes her time dragging down the length of it, releasing him and pulling back again to set a finger underneath his chin to lift it a little. To draw his focus. Waits until he looks at her to say ]
Up. Back on the bed.
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When Alexandrie touches his chin he swallows, opening his eyes and raising his head to her gentle encouragement. He raises his eyebrows, before moving his hands to interlace his fingers and create a cradle beneath where the backs of her thighs transition into the curve of her ass. ] Hold on, [ he says softly, mouth quirking into a half-smile before bending his legs and rising to his feet.
They're just on the other side of the bed so it doesn't take much to pivot to where he's sitting on the edge of the mattress, hands still underneath Alexandrie. Now he breaks into a wider smile, feeling very good about following the letter of her directive and also being able to touch her. ]
no subject
She traces the path of his smile with a thumb, and the look turns to one of consideration; what is it that she wishes? Not all control, nor for all his gasps and keening to be due to the sharpness of her. She wants to meet him, too, in a love without such roles, where they both might shift through give and take and learn one another.
Something shifts in her face, a vulnerability surfacing in her eyes before she closes them and breathes for a moment, her body becoming a little weightier on his hands as she softens. ]
Will it disappoint you, if I do not wish this to be how we first learn one another?
[ Quiet, as she opens her eyes again to look into his. ]
That I wish to know how we are together before we play in changing the rules?
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No, it doesn't disappoint me.
[ When she opens her eyes his smile widens again. One of his hands comes up to brush the backs of his fingers, his fingertips, along her cheekbone. ]
I... [ He sighs, shakes his head a little. ] You surprise me at every turn, your strength, the breadth of your care. Your beauty steals the air from my lungs and I wonder how I could be fortunate enough to be a recipient of any of it, but disappointment? No. Not that.
I want, more than most things, to be yours. I know that doesn't have to come in the one type of arrangement. [ Another shake of his head. ] It is an easy thing for me to fall into.
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She sniffs a little, touches his face in mirror. Recovers as if her hand on him soothed her. ]
It is... a simple tumble for me, as well. I cannot but respond to it, and for the parts that are painβ [ her smile turns a little wryβ ] I fear there is little escape from my wildness unless I make concerted effort.
[ One of her hands moves slowly to tangle itself in his hair; not to pull, or to grasp, but to hold the way a child holds something that makes them safe.
Quietly, then: ]
But I would like to be yours too. To know that even with all the power in the world to leave that you would choose to stay.
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usericon keywords just for you
bless
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