icasm: (I have so many feelings)
๐–”๐–“๐–‰๐–˜๐–๐–†๐–•๐–˜๐–Œ๐–š๐–‰๐–Š๐–“ ([personal profile] icasm) wrote2021-07-19 11:09 am
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crystal โš” action โš” correspondence
coquettish_trees: (still smiling)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-02 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
[ Having only just fallen asleep a line or so ago, the press of his hand is enough to waken her and her name in his voice along with it enough to keep her from startling as she might have otherwise. Her turn towards Loki is a languid one, still unsure if she dreamsโ€” and which of them she dreams ofโ€” until she reaches a hand out for the one that had touched her shoulder and finds it solid. ]

Oh.

[ A half-gasp of surprise and she is awake and wide-eyed, a smile of wonder and welcome and profound relief spreading quickly on her lips. ]

You are home.
coquettish_trees: (demure)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-02 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
It is your day, [ is her easy reply, as if this were self-evident, ] and I missed you.

[ Alexandrie is reaching out her arms for him to settle into, little caring that Loki is fresh from the sea and still dressed for travel down to the boots, when she realizes her crystal is still playing back the song and she emits another oh, followed by a quiet self-conscious laugh and the turn of her face to hide it in her arm for the last few words of her recording. Once the glow of the active crystal subsides she turns back just enough to let her peer at him with a shy sort of mischief.

Slightly muffled by her arm: ]


It helps me to sleep.
coquettish_trees: (shy)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-02 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She reaches back; touches the tips of his fingers with hers before settling her hand over his in a loose clasp and pillowing her head on her other to watch him with soft eyes as if the simplest movements he makes are something to wonder at. That his hands move as they do with deft fingers, that he breathes, that the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. She smiles backโ€” a small and dreamy thingโ€” and when Loki is done she opens her arms again to welcome him, ready to shape herself around him when he comes. ]
coquettish_trees: (outside flowers)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-05 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ There had been a broadened smile for the tangle of their fingers, a look of curious concern for the sigh; there had been a crinkle at the corners of her eyes for the way he touches her, and for the wordsโ€”

The words.

She had heard them only at a distance, only from a stone and its glow, and even then it had made her heart flutter light and swift in her chest. Somewhere in Antiva, he had loved her. He had carried a heart that loved her home from the sea to put it in her hands.

She thinks of him walking off the ship and into the moonlit darkness of the city with his stride that eats the edges of the world and of being carried always with him where he goes, and it makes of her a thing so tender she is grateful he had said it first to her at night when things are gentler.

Her breath sighs against his hand in an oh of wonder, and then she traces the same path he had on her on him; a fingertip down his nose, over the tip of it. Changes, in that at the last it turns to the gentle pass of her thumb across his lower lip, and like itโ€™s woven from fine threads she says ]
I love you, [ too. ]
coquettish_trees: (shy)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-06 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
I am not sure one can deserve a miracle, yet they are given.

[ After all, what else could it be when a love she had only just begun to understand was gone from her came to her againโ€” old and newโ€” to hold her as she began to weep in earnest for the first?

Softly, moving her hand to settle light fingertips against his cheek. ]


Or perhaps we have not the slightest conception of what it is that we deserve.

[ She smooths a bit of hair behind his ear. ]

Either way, I thank you for allowing me to love you.
coquettish_trees: (looking down)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-08 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
[ Alexandrie shakes her head a little. It, and every movement, touch, sound of her voice when she speaks is gentle, slow, and heavy with the languor of that space near sleep, made warm by the safety of having him near again. ]

I do not think it simple. For all that we hear it sung of and lauded, for all that it is a thing all parts of ourselves so desperately yearn forโ€ฆ

[ She shifts to settle into him, heedless of the salt-roughness of his shirt against her skin. Threads her arm around his waist, tucks her head beneath his chin and murmurs there against his throat. ]

It is not an easy thing to let oneself be loved.
coquettish_trees: (worried)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-09 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
I made a similar allusion to my lord the night I told him I cared for him. That him knowing felt like giving him the hilt of a dagger I held pointed to my heart such that he need not even trouble himself to aim.

I was frightened, then. These days I am happier to have such a blade in me. [ It is softly said, but the warmth is changed to something thin, fragile. Lonely. Her fingers curl into his shirt where they rest. ] โ€‹I bleed when it is gone.

[ She curls closer, too, like her fingers. Tense and still and quiet. ]

Should I have nightmares of her coming back for you?
coquettish_trees: (sad look away)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-09 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There is nothing that releases in her at this. The opposite, in fact; she turns and curls, knees pulling towards her chest as the wretched thing that made its home in her hears its name and wakes to stretch its claws and whisper expendable to her as it turns to its work of weaving the threads spun from her amorphous fear into something real and solid. โ€‹]

But you would love her still, unerringly. And with enough time she would trust it just enough to let you love her, and if she would have you you would go.

[ It's tight, unhappy. ]

And because she would be fearful and suspicious, so recently trusting, she would need the whole of your attention, and you would give it.

[ It is a picture of herself in part, although she can't connect it. He is new to her, she is afraid of trusting because no-one ever stays. It doesn't matter that this woman isn't here, because the thing that makes her truth is saying

See, already lost. ]


I would not blame you.

[ Looks like yours, but see? Remember? Not yours. ]
coquettish_trees: (worried)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-10 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
[ Her face crumples at the kiss on her forehead; at the words that come after, because she is doing that now. Because once when she was young a Duke's son swore for a year he loved her and then made her nothing, and now she is always looking for clues to see if that is true. And she can always find them. She sews her proof from patches: a word here, a moment there, until she has a quilt that can cover her. ]

You are right, I would. I am.

[ Alexandrie leans into his lips, hand coming up to curl around his where it rests on her cheek. ]

There are a hundred ways I fear to lose you, and I cannot stop myself from living out them all.

[ She shakes her head a little, whispersโ€” ]

What do you do, with your nightmares.
coquettish_trees: (thinking)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-10 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
[ She doesn't know why she can't feel it. Byerly says that tooโ€” I'm still hereโ€” as if it should make her stop being afraid. Yes, they are here, but here now is not a promise of here in the next moment, and the next moment is the one in which they might suddenly be gone.

It births a new thought: perhaps that isn't the case for everyone. Perhaps for some 'here now' does mean here in the next moment.

She sets it aside for a moment in favor of being reassured because he worries...

And then wonders why it is she feels the fear of loss is better proof of love than presence.

She turns her face into his hand to kiss his palm. Then, curious twice over now, ]


Do you think love is something that is as likely to disappear in the next moment as it is to persist?
coquettish_trees: (still smiling)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-10 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ The very fact that it prompts an oath, that it makes Loki shift to reach for her, tells her the new little thought was right: this is a broken thing.

It calms her to think she might be wrong.

Alexandrie inches herself closer until the space between their faces is just enough to allow for their new handhold between them. ]


I ruin things too, when I am afraid.

[ A tiny smile, a kiss for his hand in hers. ]

I promise I shall speak to you instead.
coquettish_trees: (look down smile)

[personal profile] coquettish_trees 2021-09-10 05:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She is soft again, now, having been gently disentangled from the beast of her terror by the simple truths she did not want to hear lending weight to those she does; by his hands on her, his reach for her, the new idea that perhaps I'm still here actually does mean something. ]

So shall I, for you.

[ Alexandrie lifts the hand that presses his to her cheek so she can reach for the side of his face to stroke it with light fingers. ]

I do not keep you for a placeholder, or love you only for the form and voice you share. Should my lord come back to me, he shall find himself obliged to make room.

[ A lean to touch their noses, then farther, fingertips tracing the line of his jaw as she presses her lips to his for a slow and lingering kiss. Murmured there after: ]

But I have greeted you poorly.

Shall I arrange you a bath? [ Her hand wanders from jaw down neck to spread fingers on Loki's chest. ] Or welcome you home properly?

[ The passing of the tumultuous wave in the ocean of her leaves room for her to remember in the lull that a week had been too long a time of having hands that were not on him, and she is not too sleepy to want. ]

Both?

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