Not just because of what it means, to have someone who is as particular about their hair as Alexandrie clearly is (and he knows this, has watched her morning routine more than once now, and each time is astounded by the work and the care that goes into it), but because it reminds him of Sif, and the terribly cruel joke he'd played on her in regards to cutting her hair.
So he blinks a little, tilting his head and smiling sweetly after a moment, looking away from her face to take in the shape of her hair cascading around it. He reaches out and pulls his fingers carefully through a section of her hair, shaking his head a little bit. ]
An entire strand of curls? [ Loki asks, voice full of wonder. If Sif could see him now, she'd laugh in his face, he thinks, and he'd deserve it. ]
Of whatever length you like, [ she answers, glowing a little under the wonder the bare thought of it had birthed in him.
It's an impetuous thing, perhaps, but somehow it does not feel like anything of the sort. It is simple: he had wanted something of her for his travels, she wishes it as much as he does, and it is the most intimate thing she can give. Far more than a handkerchief, a ribbon, even if she were to soak it in the summer rose of her perfume. Those things are hers, but they are not of her. This is.
It is for them when one of them is gone, and for them when they are together. She might find those missing strands in the mornings, as she'd said, but when he is here with his hands in her hair Loki will sometimes find them too; a reminder that one night she'd made a choice and it was him. ]
[ A strand long enough to braid, he thinks, or at least decorate around a ribbon or a small hooped earring, and one from closest to the center as opposed to something that will immediately be spotted when Alexandrie has her hair put up.
He separates one set of strands out, looping the hair around his index finger. ]
The last time I cut someone's hair it was to be unkind. [ He shakes his head a little; no one's ever given him a token like this, much less offered to allow him to choose it himself. ] Do we have scissors?
[ He has his daggers (one, at least, always, hidden away and summonable; the second is in his pack) if not, and they're definitely sharp enough for this business. ]
[ There are scissors somewhere, surelyโ with her embroidery perhapsโ but Alexandrie doesn't wish to break apart the moment with a search, and she knows she doesn't need to. ]
What was it you used the last time, [ she asks, looking down for a moment with a smile at the soft shine of the hair he'd chosen that wraps his finger, the private little pleasure it gives her to think it already his, and then back to his eyes. ] When you were being unkind.
[ Every time she smiles at him it's some new wonder. He marvels at that, at how she can be so soft with him in so many circumstances. ]
A dagger, certainly.
[ He sets his other, unoccupied hand in his lap, summoning the dagger there and turning it by the handle so that the blade points towards his leg and doesn't point towards Alexandrie. ]
Edited (good lord where did all that extra space come from) 2021-09-23 00:25 (UTC)
Then use it now, [ she says, her voice like the smallest feathers of a bird that trusts itself to touch, ] so you may remember ever after that something that has only ever harmed can love as well.
[ Her eyes are luminous as she reaches for the dagger, lifts it with care, and deftly turns it in her hand to offer him the hilt. ]
[ He blinks his surprise at her choice of words; she could mean the dagger, she could mean either of them from what she's told him about herself before she met the Loki from Tevinter. It's probably for the best that he presumes she means all of it.
His expression softens as Loki takes the dagger from her. ]
I don't know how I could forget, having met you.
[ There's a great measure of care as he lifts the blade to her hair, holds it steady, and shears off the curls wound around his finger. With a small flourish the blade is set aside on the bedspread and he brings his hand into the space between them to show her what he's cut. ]
Thank you. It means... so much. No one has ever granted me a token before.
[ It's strangeโ and oddly thrillingโ to see it parted from her; she can't remember having her hair cut at all. Not once, save for little trims of the ends to keep it healthy. And now there it is, separate and wrapped around Loki's elegant finger much as she is. ]
It means much to me as well.
[ Alexandrie smooths out the ribbon she had tied her braid with, folds it in half to shorten it, and finds the end of the strands he holds so she can tie them neatly together. Smiles at him again, a shy little curve. ]
[ Loki tilts his head at that admission; he's clearly having a difficult time imagining why those who have missed her would not have asked for something to keep with them, amongst their things, close to their heart as they're separated. It seems so easy and she's yet to have turned down any request he's made of her. Surely others have known her to be the same. ]
Then the others are fools, [ he states simply, uncoiling the hair from around his finger now that she's fastened it with the ribbon. There's clearly no other explanation. ]
[ Her eyes drop demurely for a moment, the corners of her smile twitching higher along with a little huff of mirthful air from her nose.
A gentle chideโ ]
Do not be unkind to them.
[ โbut she leans to kiss his cheek to show she's thankful for the thought all the same. ]
I am sure Byerly has his reasons.
[ It may well have been trained out of him, the keeping of sentimental things. Or perhaps he does not think himself important enough to ask. She doesn't know. It doesn't hurt, but nor does it joy her as this does. ]
And he... [ A pause, and then there is the heart-pierced ache in her eyes that belongs to her husband. ]
He might have kept something without telling me. I did so. If he did not, Iโ [ she shakes her head slowlyโ ] we were so sure. So sure that any distance or time was only temporary, that we were already together again because every return was already promised.
[ It had been so true that truth itself had broken the moment she first began to consider that he wasn't coming back. It is still a tenuous thing, her belief that anything can stay, and what little exists is cobbled together of faith and hope. No trust. ]
If there are to be fools, let them be he and I.
[ Alexandrie pauses then, her breath catching as it is drawn through a smile that trembles. She raises a hand to cup his cheek, stroke it gently with her thumb. ]
I do not know what to do, now. It feels my choices are to be a fool again or be afraid.
[ Loki accepts her kiss with grace, letting his eyes close briefly and only raising his eyebrows at the mention of Byerly. He's a very strange man, by his measure, and is made even stranger by the impossibility to get a good read on, but he's important to Alexandrie and so he won't repeat himself about it.
The rest of it...
He feels a little bad, for being flippant about her husband's lack of foresight. In his position, Loki definitely would have stolen something of Alexandrie's to take with him across the continent. There's no reason to presume it hadn't been the same for d'Asgard.
His hand comes up to cover hers at his cheek. It isn't fair, the things she's lost to war. That she doesn't know one way or another.
The wish that he could do something about it is in his bones, but what, exactly, escapes him still. ]
I would rather you not be afraid.
[ He knows he has very little control over that reality. ]
[ And she is. Trying. Trembling near tears or not, Alexandrie still wears a smile, and her eyes are full of those remnants of faith and hope she has collected rather than despair. ]
It helps, to have your songs to reach for when I miss you. To know you miss me enough to wish to carry a remembrance from me. To be close to you when you are here.
[ She shifts now, seeking after that selfsame comfort of leaning against him, tucking her head at his shoulder. ]
[ He can see it in the way she holds herself even when she's near tears, hears it in her voice even when they've been separated. They are both creatures that have grown too accustomed to their own suffering for their own good, but that doesn't mean either of them wants to be afraid of the future, of what might happen to them.
As she leans he wraps his arm around her again, tucking her head beneath his chin and breathing out softly. ] I know.
Time is probably our best bet.
[ He likes the idea that they have that time to work with. ]
[ She is quiet like this, tucked against him. Even though she can't quite think of 'time' without a little spike of anticipatory loss, or allow herself to see the future spreading for them like bright fields without pulling back as if touching it will burn, he makes her quiet.
She will have to learn again to feel safe in other than the present, but for nowโ ]
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no subject
Not just because of what it means, to have someone who is as particular about their hair as Alexandrie clearly is (and he knows this, has watched her morning routine more than once now, and each time is astounded by the work and the care that goes into it), but because it reminds him of Sif, and the terribly cruel joke he'd played on her in regards to cutting her hair.
So he blinks a little, tilting his head and smiling sweetly after a moment, looking away from her face to take in the shape of her hair cascading around it. He reaches out and pulls his fingers carefully through a section of her hair, shaking his head a little bit. ]
An entire strand of curls? [ Loki asks, voice full of wonder. If Sif could see him now, she'd laugh in his face, he thinks, and he'd deserve it. ]
no subject
It's an impetuous thing, perhaps, but somehow it does not feel like anything of the sort. It is simple: he had wanted something of her for his travels, she wishes it as much as he does, and it is the most intimate thing she can give. Far more than a handkerchief, a ribbon, even if she were to soak it in the summer rose of her perfume. Those things are hers, but they are not of her. This is.
It is for them when one of them is gone, and for them when they are together. She might find those missing strands in the mornings, as she'd said, but when he is here with his hands in her hair Loki will sometimes find them too; a reminder that one night she'd made a choice and it was him. ]
I give it freely.
[ Then a quiet chuckle. ]
Perhaps leave me a little at the top to pin.
no subject
He separates one set of strands out, looping the hair around his index finger. ]
The last time I cut someone's hair it was to be unkind. [ He shakes his head a little; no one's ever given him a token like this, much less offered to allow him to choose it himself. ] Do we have scissors?
[ He has his daggers (one, at least, always, hidden away and summonable; the second is in his pack) if not, and they're definitely sharp enough for this business. ]
no subject
What was it you used the last time, [ she asks, looking down for a moment with a smile at the soft shine of the hair he'd chosen that wraps his finger, the private little pleasure it gives her to think it already his, and then back to his eyes. ] When you were being unkind.
no subject
A dagger, certainly.
[ He sets his other, unoccupied hand in his lap, summoning the dagger there and turning it by the handle so that the blade points towards his leg and doesn't point towards Alexandrie. ]
no subject
[ Her eyes are luminous as she reaches for the dagger, lifts it with care, and deftly turns it in her hand to offer him the hilt. ]
no subject
His expression softens as Loki takes the dagger from her. ]
I don't know how I could forget, having met you.
[ There's a great measure of care as he lifts the blade to her hair, holds it steady, and shears off the curls wound around his finger. With a small flourish the blade is set aside on the bedspread and he brings his hand into the space between them to show her what he's cut. ]
Thank you. It means... so much. No one has ever granted me a token before.
no subject
It means much to me as well.
[ Alexandrie smooths out the ribbon she had tied her braid with, folds it in half to shorten it, and finds the end of the strands he holds so she can tie them neatly together. Smiles at him again, a shy little curve. ]
No one who has missed me has ever asked.
no subject
Then the others are fools, [ he states simply, uncoiling the hair from around his finger now that she's fastened it with the ribbon. There's clearly no other explanation. ]
no subject
A gentle chideโ ]
Do not be unkind to them.
[ โbut she leans to kiss his cheek to show she's thankful for the thought all the same. ]
I am sure Byerly has his reasons.
[ It may well have been trained out of him, the keeping of sentimental things. Or perhaps he does not think himself important enough to ask. She doesn't know. It doesn't hurt, but nor does it joy her as this does. ]
And he... [ A pause, and then there is the heart-pierced ache in her eyes that belongs to her husband. ]
He might have kept something without telling me. I did so. If he did not, Iโ [ she shakes her head slowlyโ ] we were so sure. So sure that any distance or time was only temporary, that we were already together again because every return was already promised.
[ It had been so true that truth itself had broken the moment she first began to consider that he wasn't coming back. It is still a tenuous thing, her belief that anything can stay, and what little exists is cobbled together of faith and hope. No trust. ]
If there are to be fools, let them be he and I.
[ Alexandrie pauses then, her breath catching as it is drawn through a smile that trembles. She raises a hand to cup his cheek, stroke it gently with her thumb. ]
I do not know what to do, now. It feels my choices are to be a fool again or be afraid.
no subject
The rest of it...
He feels a little bad, for being flippant about her husband's lack of foresight. In his position, Loki definitely would have stolen something of Alexandrie's to take with him across the continent. There's no reason to presume it hadn't been the same for d'Asgard.
His hand comes up to cover hers at his cheek. It isn't fair, the things she's lost to war. That she doesn't know one way or another.
The wish that he could do something about it is in his bones, but what, exactly, escapes him still. ]
I would rather you not be afraid.
[ He knows he has very little control over that reality. ]
no subject
I am trying.
[ And she is. Trying. Trembling near tears or not, Alexandrie still wears a smile, and her eyes are full of those remnants of faith and hope she has collected rather than despair. ]
It helps, to have your songs to reach for when I miss you. To know you miss me enough to wish to carry a remembrance from me. To be close to you when you are here.
[ She shifts now, seeking after that selfsame comfort of leaning against him, tucking her head at his shoulder. ]
Perhaps the rest is time.
no subject
[ He can see it in the way she holds herself even when she's near tears, hears it in her voice even when they've been separated. They are both creatures that have grown too accustomed to their own suffering for their own good, but that doesn't mean either of them wants to be afraid of the future, of what might happen to them.
As she leans he wraps his arm around her again, tucking her head beneath his chin and breathing out softly. ] I know.
Time is probably our best bet.
[ He likes the idea that they have that time to work with. ]
no subject
She will have to learn again to feel safe in other than the present, but for nowโ ]
Thank you, [ she says, ] for the stars.
And for coming back.